At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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