How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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