dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
