I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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