if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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