so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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