never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
