I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
