Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
