i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
