She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
