ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
