I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
