I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
