I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A bitchslap is in order.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
