Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
