Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
