her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
