Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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