The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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