you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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