it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
