Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I supernannyed him into submission
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
