too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
