I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pants are for mortals
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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