I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
