Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
