What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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