Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
