Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
