so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
