me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
