Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
