I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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