he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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