Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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