if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
