The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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