DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
