Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
