I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
