i was born a porn star she said
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
