Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
