Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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