there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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