Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
