but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
