people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
