Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
