i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
