I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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