Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
