She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
