Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
