Soap is not a condiment
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
