how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
