It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
