Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
two words...techno handjob
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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