are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
