I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
