I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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