Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
