He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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