i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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