your parents love me but you hate me
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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