its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
