im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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