after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize