I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
