i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
