I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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