Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
