You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
