TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I believe in your delicious
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
