we have pet lesbian snakes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
